I have no title for this

Okay, so...I've been holding this story up my sleeve for when I don't have anything else to talk about. I hope I can do it justice. Because everyone at work loves this story, but y'all don't know Cosmo, so it just might not be the same.

So...I'm going to explain a little bit more about him before I go on.

Cosmo. He's 69. He used to play music for a living...the bass. In the 70s. He apparently is married to his 3rd wife right now - he told me when he was married to the first two, it was while he was playing music, and that he was...you know...a fun guy, and that his lifestyle wasn't really compatible with marriage. That's exactly how he phrased it for me, pause and all. He told me eventually he remembered something his daddy used to tell him: "if you don't lie, you won't have to remember what you said." He said he's been living by this philosophy in his 3rd marriage, and that things have gone great.
I found out later from my boss that he mostly played at strip clubs. So ridiculous. And he played with a few famous people every once in a while. But they were all well before my time, so I don't really remember any of the names.
Anyway, he often goes on rants about political things...there's a little example of that in my 2nd post. A lot of what he says would be extremely offensive to many people, especially those of a more liberal nature, so I will spare some of the details, despite the fact that some of these would make great stories all by themselves. But one thing to note every time he goes of on one of these rants...he just inches closer to me constantly. He talks kind of quiet, and keeps eye contact with me the whole time (oh, I forgot, he has a lazy eye...so he keeps one eye in contact with me). And because he talks quietly, he makes sure he's close enough for me to hear. He'll take a small step forward, and I'll take a step back, and it'll just go like that gradually across the whole store. Not a joke. It's just so uncomfortable because his body is just so close to my body, and it's just...oh it's the worst. The other day, I took a step back and hit the counter where the computers were. Aka, I couldn't back up anymore. But he just still kept coming closer!! Luckily, just as it started to get bad, my boss made us all start cleaning counters or something like that. She's really good at saving me from those types of situations. And we laugh about it later.

So...my boss told me this story literally on like my 2nd day of work, when I was still watching training videos. She told me I should always think of this every time I see Cosmo. And that's exactly what I like to do. It just makes everything better, and funnier.

One night, Cosmo had to take a double (aka 2 deliveries in one drive), and the second one was far away. In Boone Trace actually, where the whole ex-teacher's almost ex-husband thing happened. His first delivery was on the way there, but on a back road where there's like nowhere to stop in any sort of emergency. Just houses, a church, a cow field, and a junkyard. It's on the way to my house, actually. Go figure. Anyway, Cosmo, being an older guy, has stomach issues from time to time (probably because I usually see him eating KFC during his lunch break). So this delivery should have taken him probably around 35 minutes, but he showed back up to the store almost an hour later, and my boss was like dude, what took you so long? And he was like well, my stomach started bothering me just all of a sudden, and it couldn't wait, so I had to stop. And she was like, where did you stop? And he explained that he was on McCrory Lane (the back road) when it happened. And she was like wait, but where did you stop?
He had pulled over on the side of the road, and just squatted there by his car and took care of his issues.
And my boss's first question was...did you take your car topper off? (the big light up headquarters sign we stick on the top of our cars).

Just imagine driving down the road and seeing a pizza delivery car pulled over to the side, and then seeing a weirdly shaped overweight man with a long grey pony tail and a lazy eye squatting there, doing his business.

Shout out to Emily Erland and her mom for now always joking about needing to take an extra long time every time they're on McCrory Lane.

So on a completely different note, the other day I figured out that there's like a public perception on delivery men (and ladies, of course). I was stopped at this stop sign in Bellevue right by this bridge sort of thing that looked over a creek, and I saw something out of the corner of my eye...it was a little girl that looked ecstatic, waving like crazy at me. She was with her grandma who also smiled and gave me a wave. I felt like I was on a float in a parade or something.
But then just a few runs later, I was driving through a little neighborhood and slowed down to pass some kids playing in the street, and a little boy spit at my window.
So I just decided that those two events cancel each other out, and that the public actually has no perception of delivery men/ladies.

That's all.

P.S. I added a section at the very bottom of this page, by my profile info and stuff, where you can follow this blog if you have some sort of google account, or if you don't have one of those, you can subscribe via email for updates every time I add a new post. Some of you might be wondering why in the world I would ever think anyone might have the desire to do this, and I would say to you: I don't know. But apparently some people have enjoyed the read, and so I just wanted to make the option available. Thank you, and good night.