Okay, so...I've been holding this story up my sleeve for when I don't have anything else to talk about. I hope I can do it justice. Because everyone at work loves this story, but y'all don't know Cosmo, so it just might not be the same.
So...I'm going to explain a little bit more about him before I go on.
Cosmo. He's 69. He used to play music for a living...the bass. In the 70s. He apparently is married to his 3rd wife right now - he told me when he was married to the first two, it was while he was playing music, and that he was...you know...a fun guy, and that his lifestyle wasn't really compatible with marriage. That's exactly how he phrased it for me, pause and all. He told me eventually he remembered something his daddy used to tell him: "if you don't lie, you won't have to remember what you said." He said he's been living by this philosophy in his 3rd marriage, and that things have gone great.
I found out later from my boss that he mostly played at strip clubs. So ridiculous. And he played with a few famous people every once in a while. But they were all well before my time, so I don't really remember any of the names.
Anyway, he often goes on rants about political things...there's a little example of that in my 2nd post. A lot of what he says would be extremely offensive to many people, especially those of a more liberal nature, so I will spare some of the details, despite the fact that some of these would make great stories all by themselves. But one thing to note every time he goes of on one of these rants...he just inches closer to me constantly. He talks kind of quiet, and keeps eye contact with me the whole time (oh, I forgot, he has a lazy eye...so he keeps one eye in contact with me). And because he talks quietly, he makes sure he's close enough for me to hear. He'll take a small step forward, and I'll take a step back, and it'll just go like that gradually across the whole store. Not a joke. It's just so uncomfortable because his body is just so close to my body, and it's just...oh it's the worst. The other day, I took a step back and hit the counter where the computers were. Aka, I couldn't back up anymore. But he just still kept coming closer!! Luckily, just as it started to get bad, my boss made us all start cleaning counters or something like that. She's really good at saving me from those types of situations. And we laugh about it later.
So...my boss told me this story literally on like my 2nd day of work, when I was still watching training videos. She told me I should always think of this every time I see Cosmo. And that's exactly what I like to do. It just makes everything better, and funnier.
One night, Cosmo had to take a double (aka 2 deliveries in one drive), and the second one was far away. In Boone Trace actually, where the whole ex-teacher's almost ex-husband thing happened. His first delivery was on the way there, but on a back road where there's like nowhere to stop in any sort of emergency. Just houses, a church, a cow field, and a junkyard. It's on the way to my house, actually. Go figure. Anyway, Cosmo, being an older guy, has stomach issues from time to time (probably because I usually see him eating KFC during his lunch break). So this delivery should have taken him probably around 35 minutes, but he showed back up to the store almost an hour later, and my boss was like dude, what took you so long? And he was like well, my stomach started bothering me just all of a sudden, and it couldn't wait, so I had to stop. And she was like, where did you stop? And he explained that he was on McCrory Lane (the back road) when it happened. And she was like wait, but where did you stop?
He had pulled over on the side of the road, and just squatted there by his car and took care of his issues.
And my boss's first question was...did you take your car topper off? (the big light up headquarters sign we stick on the top of our cars).
Just imagine driving down the road and seeing a pizza delivery car pulled over to the side, and then seeing a weirdly shaped overweight man with a long grey pony tail and a lazy eye squatting there, doing his business.
Shout out to Emily Erland and her mom for now always joking about needing to take an extra long time every time they're on McCrory Lane.
So on a completely different note, the other day I figured out that there's like a public perception on delivery men (and ladies, of course). I was stopped at this stop sign in Bellevue right by this bridge sort of thing that looked over a creek, and I saw something out of the corner of my eye...it was a little girl that looked ecstatic, waving like crazy at me. She was with her grandma who also smiled and gave me a wave. I felt like I was on a float in a parade or something.
But then just a few runs later, I was driving through a little neighborhood and slowed down to pass some kids playing in the street, and a little boy spit at my window.
So I just decided that those two events cancel each other out, and that the public actually has no perception of delivery men/ladies.
That's all.
P.S. I added a section at the very bottom of this page, by my profile info and stuff, where you can follow this blog if you have some sort of google account, or if you don't have one of those, you can subscribe via email for updates every time I add a new post. Some of you might be wondering why in the world I would ever think anyone might have the desire to do this, and I would say to you: I don't know. But apparently some people have enjoyed the read, and so I just wanted to make the option available. Thank you, and good night.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Embarrass: to cause to experience a state of self-conscious distress
So Friday night is a stereotypical pizza/movie night, and we usually stay super busy, which was the case tonight. I was just scheduled for a few hours during the rush and ended up needing to stay like an extra hour to help out. My last run of the night was like halfway to my house (which is relatively far away), in Boone Trace, which just sucks driving pizza there because it uses so much gas. It wouldn't be so bad if there was like a sliding scale for tips, like people were required to tip more the further they lived from the store. What would really be nice would be if everyone would just tip, period, but don't get me started on that.
Anyway, last run of the night, I'm jammin on the way there (someone stole my antenna off my car when I was still in Chattanooga, so I've been listening to a bunch of my old CDs, which are awesome and hilarious). I printed out directions before leaving the store rather than just looking at the map because that neighborhood's a little confusing to me at night and I didn't want to waste time trying to memorize the route when I could just take it with me, you know? So I didn't really ever look at the name on the receipt, I was just looking at the directions and for the address. I pulled up to this house, and a dad and his daughter came outside to meet me by my car, and the daughter was holding a kitten, so we started talking about it because I told them I thought it was precious, blah blah blah. Anyway, we ended up figuring out that she goes to Kingston Springs Elementary, and I told them that's where I went a long time ago. And then he was done signing the receipt and everything, and I started thinking that the daughter looked familiar to me, but I didn't say anything about it, because it was time to go. So I threw the hot bag in my backseat and got in my car, and the first thing I always do is look at the receipt to see the tip they gave me. This time I looked at the name and realized that I was at one of my old elementary school teacher's house! And we had had a really good relationship and stayed in touch every once in a while and stuff. She was invited to my high school graduation, and we had her and her kids over for dinner about a year ago or whatever. And that was the last time I had seen her - the dinner at my house - so I decided to go back to the door and say hey. I rang the doorbell and the dad and kids came back and I was like, sorry, I just realized that you're one of my old teacher's husband! Is your wife home?? (I was pretty excited about this whole situation, just to set the scene) He was like, yeah I am (her husband), but we're getting divorced, so no, she's not here.
I about fell over on his front porch. I'm sure I my face flushed red and I just started apologizing profusely. And he was like no, it's no big deal. Some people know, some don't, so it's not like we're trying to keep it a secret anymore or anything.
And all I could think of was I'm sure that's exactly what you wanted this Friday night when you ordered pizza...a reminder that you're getting divorced. I just wanted to crawl in a hole.
But he was really great about it. He told me a couple of times, really, don't worry about it. It's ok!
So I got back in my car, and called my mom ASAP and we laughed and felt awful about the situation, and when I got back to the store I think I told someone I work with, but they were busy and didn't care. Well sorry that I was worried about the fact that I was the biggest contradiction tonight: a pizza delivery lady ruining a fun night!
So there's that.
Anyway, last run of the night, I'm jammin on the way there (someone stole my antenna off my car when I was still in Chattanooga, so I've been listening to a bunch of my old CDs, which are awesome and hilarious). I printed out directions before leaving the store rather than just looking at the map because that neighborhood's a little confusing to me at night and I didn't want to waste time trying to memorize the route when I could just take it with me, you know? So I didn't really ever look at the name on the receipt, I was just looking at the directions and for the address. I pulled up to this house, and a dad and his daughter came outside to meet me by my car, and the daughter was holding a kitten, so we started talking about it because I told them I thought it was precious, blah blah blah. Anyway, we ended up figuring out that she goes to Kingston Springs Elementary, and I told them that's where I went a long time ago. And then he was done signing the receipt and everything, and I started thinking that the daughter looked familiar to me, but I didn't say anything about it, because it was time to go. So I threw the hot bag in my backseat and got in my car, and the first thing I always do is look at the receipt to see the tip they gave me. This time I looked at the name and realized that I was at one of my old elementary school teacher's house! And we had had a really good relationship and stayed in touch every once in a while and stuff. She was invited to my high school graduation, and we had her and her kids over for dinner about a year ago or whatever. And that was the last time I had seen her - the dinner at my house - so I decided to go back to the door and say hey. I rang the doorbell and the dad and kids came back and I was like, sorry, I just realized that you're one of my old teacher's husband! Is your wife home?? (I was pretty excited about this whole situation, just to set the scene) He was like, yeah I am (her husband), but we're getting divorced, so no, she's not here.
I about fell over on his front porch. I'm sure I my face flushed red and I just started apologizing profusely. And he was like no, it's no big deal. Some people know, some don't, so it's not like we're trying to keep it a secret anymore or anything.
And all I could think of was I'm sure that's exactly what you wanted this Friday night when you ordered pizza...a reminder that you're getting divorced. I just wanted to crawl in a hole.
But he was really great about it. He told me a couple of times, really, don't worry about it. It's ok!
So I got back in my car, and called my mom ASAP and we laughed and felt awful about the situation, and when I got back to the store I think I told someone I work with, but they were busy and didn't care. Well sorry that I was worried about the fact that I was the biggest contradiction tonight: a pizza delivery lady ruining a fun night!
So there's that.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Ms. B
One of our policies at headquarters is to never ever enter anyone's home no matter what. I was told in orientation a couple weekends ago that even if it's pouring down rain and a customer seems like they're just trying to be polite, or if they are just being polite, you never can know what's on the other side of that door. But at my headquarters, we have one exception to that rule - Ms. B.
Ms. B is an older woman who has been a customer at headquarters for years. No one really knows how long. But she always orders the exact same thing. I don't know how often she orders, but it's multiple times a week. My boss showed me her order history, and it goes back forever, and her total is always $10.37. Apparently she got hooked on some special a long time ago, and the special doesn't even exist anymore, but we still always give her the discount. Ms. B is bed-ridden, so in order to get her pizza to her, we just walk in her house (I guess the nurse leaves it open for us when they know we're coming) and take the pizza back to her bedroom. I was the day driver today, so I got to take Ms. B's order to her.
For some reason it just made my entire day better, and more sad, all at the same time.
We had really slow day...I only made 8 runs in the 9 hours I was there, and most of the runs were in the last 2 hours of my shift. So when we got the call from Ms. B in the early afternoon, it was a relief to get out of the store (and take a break from the day that consisted of folding boxes and cutting sandwich bread, but mostly folding boxes) and drive somewhere. I'd heard a little bit about her from a few different people at our headquarters, and pretty much already knew the situation, you know? But when I was walking up to the door, I just felt weird, like am I really supposed to be going to this woman's bedroom that I've never met before? But I walked right in anyway, and kind of hesitatingly poked my head in every room in the first hallway, unsure of which was hers. But I finally found her room at the end of the hallway; she was propped up watching tv, and when she saw me in my headquarter's uniform (complete with tucked in shirt, black pants, white socks that cover the ankle, and of course...the hat), she smiled and perked up a bit as I told her my name and that I was there to deliver her pizza. The way she responded made me feel like I was doing her some great favor, like I was actually an in home patient care assistant or something like that. As I walked over, I was wondering how to hand her the pizza and everything, because she couldn't really move that well. She asked me first to put the phone that was sitting on her lap in the charger on her bedside table, and we exchanged the pizza and the money. I noticed that she had all the things she would need for her day spread out around her on her bed, and some dirty dishes probably from her breakfast. I asked her if there was anything else I could do for her, and she just asked me to turn on the fan and lock her in when I left. It's amazing how much she trusts anyone in our uniform.
My boss told me a story about a headquarters driver in Memphis who saved an elderly lady's life. This lady was also a regular, and had been for years. They hadn't heard from her in a few days in the store, and so they called her house to check in on her and see how she was doing, but there was no answer. So after a few tries, one of the drivers decided to check on her after she clocked out for the day. She went to her house and knocked on the door, but there was no answer. She tried the door and it was locked. She went around and asked a few neighbors if they had noticed anything, like if she had left her house or anything like that, and none of them knew anything. So the driver decided to call the police. They got in the house and found the lady on the floor...she had fallen and wasn't able to move enough to reach the phone for help. But because of the driver deciding to see what was going on, they got there in time to save her life.
My boss told me if we ever didn't hear from Ms. B, we would do the same thing. But Ms. B has a nurse that helps her, and a daughter in town, so we think she's in better hands.
Anyway, my trip to Ms. B's made me feel like I was part of something special today, even though delivering pizza just doesn't seem like it should be a big deal. Apparently when she calls the store and somebody answers with our typical headquarters scripted opening lines, she asks them "Do you know me?" because it always says her name on the caller ID. I think that's hilarious, and precious. It's really refreshing to see a relationship that has been built for so long that it's not just business anymore. At least not on our end.
Ms. B is an older woman who has been a customer at headquarters for years. No one really knows how long. But she always orders the exact same thing. I don't know how often she orders, but it's multiple times a week. My boss showed me her order history, and it goes back forever, and her total is always $10.37. Apparently she got hooked on some special a long time ago, and the special doesn't even exist anymore, but we still always give her the discount. Ms. B is bed-ridden, so in order to get her pizza to her, we just walk in her house (I guess the nurse leaves it open for us when they know we're coming) and take the pizza back to her bedroom. I was the day driver today, so I got to take Ms. B's order to her.
For some reason it just made my entire day better, and more sad, all at the same time.
We had really slow day...I only made 8 runs in the 9 hours I was there, and most of the runs were in the last 2 hours of my shift. So when we got the call from Ms. B in the early afternoon, it was a relief to get out of the store (and take a break from the day that consisted of folding boxes and cutting sandwich bread, but mostly folding boxes) and drive somewhere. I'd heard a little bit about her from a few different people at our headquarters, and pretty much already knew the situation, you know? But when I was walking up to the door, I just felt weird, like am I really supposed to be going to this woman's bedroom that I've never met before? But I walked right in anyway, and kind of hesitatingly poked my head in every room in the first hallway, unsure of which was hers. But I finally found her room at the end of the hallway; she was propped up watching tv, and when she saw me in my headquarter's uniform (complete with tucked in shirt, black pants, white socks that cover the ankle, and of course...the hat), she smiled and perked up a bit as I told her my name and that I was there to deliver her pizza. The way she responded made me feel like I was doing her some great favor, like I was actually an in home patient care assistant or something like that. As I walked over, I was wondering how to hand her the pizza and everything, because she couldn't really move that well. She asked me first to put the phone that was sitting on her lap in the charger on her bedside table, and we exchanged the pizza and the money. I noticed that she had all the things she would need for her day spread out around her on her bed, and some dirty dishes probably from her breakfast. I asked her if there was anything else I could do for her, and she just asked me to turn on the fan and lock her in when I left. It's amazing how much she trusts anyone in our uniform.
My boss told me a story about a headquarters driver in Memphis who saved an elderly lady's life. This lady was also a regular, and had been for years. They hadn't heard from her in a few days in the store, and so they called her house to check in on her and see how she was doing, but there was no answer. So after a few tries, one of the drivers decided to check on her after she clocked out for the day. She went to her house and knocked on the door, but there was no answer. She tried the door and it was locked. She went around and asked a few neighbors if they had noticed anything, like if she had left her house or anything like that, and none of them knew anything. So the driver decided to call the police. They got in the house and found the lady on the floor...she had fallen and wasn't able to move enough to reach the phone for help. But because of the driver deciding to see what was going on, they got there in time to save her life.
My boss told me if we ever didn't hear from Ms. B, we would do the same thing. But Ms. B has a nurse that helps her, and a daughter in town, so we think she's in better hands.
Anyway, my trip to Ms. B's made me feel like I was part of something special today, even though delivering pizza just doesn't seem like it should be a big deal. Apparently when she calls the store and somebody answers with our typical headquarters scripted opening lines, she asks them "Do you know me?" because it always says her name on the caller ID. I think that's hilarious, and precious. It's really refreshing to see a relationship that has been built for so long that it's not just business anymore. At least not on our end.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
False Alarm!!!
So I had yesterday and today off, but headquarters called me yesterday and asked me if I wanted to pick up some extra hours last night. And I said 'duh'. You see, i need a full time job and I'm not getting full time hours. Go figure.
It was a rough night. I had 2 runs that didn't tip me. And one of them was far away.
And the rest of my runs I got average tips, except 1 $1 tip, but all of them were also far away. And then they didn't even tell me that I was going to be the late driver!! Aka I'm in charge of doing the dishes.
BUT I'm not going to complain about doing work that I get paid for. Because that's a blessing. So just pretend that I didn't just complain.
But some things that I was taught last night:
Apparently, if you're a girl, you get way better tips if you're wearing make-up and have your hair in a pony tail instead of a bun out the back of your hat. I never thought I would try to look nice to work in a pizza place. Guess I was wrong. And I guess that means I actually have to make an effort to be Hot Driver. Because there's another hot driver in town, and she's the one showing me the ropes.
Another thing she told me...prop your elbow on your hip to hold the boxes, because it accentuates your hips and makes you look more feminine.
She admitted that these tips sounded ridiculous, and were totally demeaning, but she said in her experience, they really have produced better tips. *If the customers are men*
If you're serving women, don't worry about looking nice...they relate to a messy woman working hard. Nice.
I can't believe I'm buying into this stuff.
It was a rough night. I had 2 runs that didn't tip me. And one of them was far away.
And the rest of my runs I got average tips, except 1 $1 tip, but all of them were also far away. And then they didn't even tell me that I was going to be the late driver!! Aka I'm in charge of doing the dishes.
BUT I'm not going to complain about doing work that I get paid for. Because that's a blessing. So just pretend that I didn't just complain.
But some things that I was taught last night:
Apparently, if you're a girl, you get way better tips if you're wearing make-up and have your hair in a pony tail instead of a bun out the back of your hat. I never thought I would try to look nice to work in a pizza place. Guess I was wrong. And I guess that means I actually have to make an effort to be Hot Driver. Because there's another hot driver in town, and she's the one showing me the ropes.
Another thing she told me...prop your elbow on your hip to hold the boxes, because it accentuates your hips and makes you look more feminine.
She admitted that these tips sounded ridiculous, and were totally demeaning, but she said in her experience, they really have produced better tips. *If the customers are men*
If you're serving women, don't worry about looking nice...they relate to a messy woman working hard. Nice.
I can't believe I'm buying into this stuff.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
First Day
The title of this post may be a little misleading. Today was my first day to deliver, which is, as you all know, my main job description. However, this was my 4th consecutive day to work. So, let me give you a brief overview of my REAL first days:
Well, actually, they were pretty boring. I had to watch about 11 hours of videos and take quizzes on them and stuff. But I met a bunch of the people I'll be working with, and they're awesome.
So the first guy I met was Cosmo. I actually met him when I went to turn in my application...he's this short man shaped sort of like a pear, with long grey hair tied up in a low pony tail under his visor. The first time I talked to him he told me about how great the huge map is on the store wall for showing me how to get where i'll need to go. The second time I talked to him, he told me he was old enough to be my grandpa, and that he was still working because he lost money in the stock market, and then he complained about socialists and giving people money, and told me everything that was wrong in Europe, and why Germany is obviously the best European country (because they are the hardest workers, which is actually true...everyone else gets more vacation time and great unemployment benefits, but Germany won't put up this that stuff, as Cosmo would say). He usually works during the daytime, making sauce and deliveries.
The second guy I met looks just like Will Ferrell. Like exactly like him. He was making sauce with Cosmo and was pretending to be Martha Stuart, or really just any cook on a cooking show. "Make sure you get those spices really stirred in good...it's the secret to a tasty sauce, and it's what keeps headquarter's customers calling again and again!" And he was saying it in a feminine voice...it was pretty funny. He's super cool though. He just got back from Las Vegas where he was doing real estate and was working as a taxi driver. His shift started at midnight, and I think he has a lot of great stories from that job.
And there's one lady I worked with tonight who goes by Matilda now, but her name used to be Dana...apparently she changed her name because at some point she really changed the way she was living and wanted to leave a bunch of it behind, and really start off fresh. Like with a new name fresh. She wears these brown hiking looking shoes but they have springs on the soles of the heel. Like Air Jordan's on steroids.
And last but not least, there's this guy named Tim. He has tattoos on both of his forearms (I forgot to ask him what they mean, but that's our next conversation for sure), is married, and has I think like 3 kids. He's super awesome...his kids are homeschooled and we were joking about homeschooled kids and he said they made fun of most homeschoolers. Tonight we talked about Keynesian vs. Austrian economics (after he found out I was an economics major). He's really smart and is the most normal guy out of them all. Well...maybe not...I left out almost everyone else I work with. Because they're mostly normal.
Last night, I didn't have any more videos to watch, but I learned how to answer the phones and take orders on the computer. I picked it up pretty quick (I didn't have much of a choice...when the phone started ringing they were like Rachel you start taking calls now). I had a little bit of everything...regular orders, complaints, wanting to change a cash payment to a credit payment, and I had this one annoying guy who I took his order and repeated everything to him at least once, and then he called back after it was delivered and told me he had asked for something different than what he really asked for, and that he wanted a free pizza next time because of it. And our policy at headquarters is to give our customers what they want, so I had to give it to him. I didn't make any pizzas though...I'm not experienced enough for that yet.
But PTL (praise the Lord) I am and driver and not a customer service expert (aka insider). That means I get to be on the road. And that started tonight. Nothing all that exciting happened, really. Here are the highlights:
I took 2 pizzas and some parm bites and a Dr Pepper to a group of people who were too stoned to look at me. I pulled up and they were all standing outside, like totally spread out from each other, none of them talking to each other, and I got out of the car and looked around and one girl sort of met my eye and so I walked up to her and she handed me a wad of bills and was like 'keep the change' and turned around and walked inside, and the other guys followed her in. It was weird.
I went to this neighborhood twice in a row where I got a $1 tip the first time and a 40 cent tip the second time. I hate that neighborhood.
On my way back to headquarters one run, I passed a Pizza Hut delivery guy. I tried to wave at him, because I felt like we had this special bond or something. But he avoided eye contact and sped up! Apparently the pizza delivery business is a lot more competitive than I expected. But really I think he was just taking it way too seriously.
I got ready for one delivery and my boss told me that this lady has a dog named McNair and that if I talked about the dog the lady would give me a $5 tip. And I was like this is great. So I got out of the car ready for some doggy talk and a man answered the door, and barely talked to me. I mean, we said what was needed, you know? But anyway I got in the car a little disappointed, and looked at the receipt (he paid with a credit card) and he had given me an $8.18 tip on a $15.82 tab!! That was definitely a good highlight.
The last delivery of my night was this guy who I can't remember his name, but he lives with his mom in a retirement neighborhood right down the road from headquarters. Apparently he orders something every night, and always comes to the door in his boxers and usually tips pretty well. So I prepared myself for the boxers part, pulled up to his door, and he walked up and held out his hands for his order and I noticed that he hadn't clipped his fingernails in I have no idea how long.
I have a feeling a lot of the weird things I will see will have to do with people's hygiene, because those have been the things that have stuck out the most so far. Which is super weird and kind of gross and odd. But it is what it is.
So, the pre-game jitters are over, I've learned a few handy tricks:
Never ever get yourself in a position where you have to turn left at lights in busy places (it doubled my route time once tonight) - ALWAYS plan your route so that you can make right turns.
Make small talk with every customer every single time they are about to sign their receipt if it's a credit payment or when they're giving you cash so that they feel like they connect with you. That's where the money comes from.
Keep snacks in the car.
I now have a few days off, and I'm going to enjoy them by reading a lot and spending time with well-groomed people.
Well, actually, they were pretty boring. I had to watch about 11 hours of videos and take quizzes on them and stuff. But I met a bunch of the people I'll be working with, and they're awesome.
So the first guy I met was Cosmo. I actually met him when I went to turn in my application...he's this short man shaped sort of like a pear, with long grey hair tied up in a low pony tail under his visor. The first time I talked to him he told me about how great the huge map is on the store wall for showing me how to get where i'll need to go. The second time I talked to him, he told me he was old enough to be my grandpa, and that he was still working because he lost money in the stock market, and then he complained about socialists and giving people money, and told me everything that was wrong in Europe, and why Germany is obviously the best European country (because they are the hardest workers, which is actually true...everyone else gets more vacation time and great unemployment benefits, but Germany won't put up this that stuff, as Cosmo would say). He usually works during the daytime, making sauce and deliveries.
The second guy I met looks just like Will Ferrell. Like exactly like him. He was making sauce with Cosmo and was pretending to be Martha Stuart, or really just any cook on a cooking show. "Make sure you get those spices really stirred in good...it's the secret to a tasty sauce, and it's what keeps headquarter's customers calling again and again!" And he was saying it in a feminine voice...it was pretty funny. He's super cool though. He just got back from Las Vegas where he was doing real estate and was working as a taxi driver. His shift started at midnight, and I think he has a lot of great stories from that job.
And there's one lady I worked with tonight who goes by Matilda now, but her name used to be Dana...apparently she changed her name because at some point she really changed the way she was living and wanted to leave a bunch of it behind, and really start off fresh. Like with a new name fresh. She wears these brown hiking looking shoes but they have springs on the soles of the heel. Like Air Jordan's on steroids.
And last but not least, there's this guy named Tim. He has tattoos on both of his forearms (I forgot to ask him what they mean, but that's our next conversation for sure), is married, and has I think like 3 kids. He's super awesome...his kids are homeschooled and we were joking about homeschooled kids and he said they made fun of most homeschoolers. Tonight we talked about Keynesian vs. Austrian economics (after he found out I was an economics major). He's really smart and is the most normal guy out of them all. Well...maybe not...I left out almost everyone else I work with. Because they're mostly normal.
Last night, I didn't have any more videos to watch, but I learned how to answer the phones and take orders on the computer. I picked it up pretty quick (I didn't have much of a choice...when the phone started ringing they were like Rachel you start taking calls now). I had a little bit of everything...regular orders, complaints, wanting to change a cash payment to a credit payment, and I had this one annoying guy who I took his order and repeated everything to him at least once, and then he called back after it was delivered and told me he had asked for something different than what he really asked for, and that he wanted a free pizza next time because of it. And our policy at headquarters is to give our customers what they want, so I had to give it to him. I didn't make any pizzas though...I'm not experienced enough for that yet.
But PTL (praise the Lord) I am and driver and not a customer service expert (aka insider). That means I get to be on the road. And that started tonight. Nothing all that exciting happened, really. Here are the highlights:
I took 2 pizzas and some parm bites and a Dr Pepper to a group of people who were too stoned to look at me. I pulled up and they were all standing outside, like totally spread out from each other, none of them talking to each other, and I got out of the car and looked around and one girl sort of met my eye and so I walked up to her and she handed me a wad of bills and was like 'keep the change' and turned around and walked inside, and the other guys followed her in. It was weird.
I went to this neighborhood twice in a row where I got a $1 tip the first time and a 40 cent tip the second time. I hate that neighborhood.
On my way back to headquarters one run, I passed a Pizza Hut delivery guy. I tried to wave at him, because I felt like we had this special bond or something. But he avoided eye contact and sped up! Apparently the pizza delivery business is a lot more competitive than I expected. But really I think he was just taking it way too seriously.
I got ready for one delivery and my boss told me that this lady has a dog named McNair and that if I talked about the dog the lady would give me a $5 tip. And I was like this is great. So I got out of the car ready for some doggy talk and a man answered the door, and barely talked to me. I mean, we said what was needed, you know? But anyway I got in the car a little disappointed, and looked at the receipt (he paid with a credit card) and he had given me an $8.18 tip on a $15.82 tab!! That was definitely a good highlight.
The last delivery of my night was this guy who I can't remember his name, but he lives with his mom in a retirement neighborhood right down the road from headquarters. Apparently he orders something every night, and always comes to the door in his boxers and usually tips pretty well. So I prepared myself for the boxers part, pulled up to his door, and he walked up and held out his hands for his order and I noticed that he hadn't clipped his fingernails in I have no idea how long.
I have a feeling a lot of the weird things I will see will have to do with people's hygiene, because those have been the things that have stuck out the most so far. Which is super weird and kind of gross and odd. But it is what it is.
So, the pre-game jitters are over, I've learned a few handy tricks:
Never ever get yourself in a position where you have to turn left at lights in busy places (it doubled my route time once tonight) - ALWAYS plan your route so that you can make right turns.
Make small talk with every customer every single time they are about to sign their receipt if it's a credit payment or when they're giving you cash so that they feel like they connect with you. That's where the money comes from.
Keep snacks in the car.
I now have a few days off, and I'm going to enjoy them by reading a lot and spending time with well-groomed people.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Introduction
Let me introduce you to my blog, A Day in the Life (of a pizza delivery lady).
This blog was thought up by a few friends and former employers (I do dog-sitting too if anyone's interested). You see, most of my friends are scattered throughout the world right now doing their community development internships. But I (being wiser than they) changed my major to economics at the last minute (halfway through my junior year), and no longer am required to be dropped off in the middle of some crazy place to develop communities for 3 months. (If you can't tell, that means I'm kind of jealous of them for doing awesome stuff). Instead, I am taking calculus at community college, and saving up money so that I can eat next year. There's no sarcasm in that...my summer earnings are my senior year's food budget. So...they're all keeping blogs about their summers (my community development friends), especially for people financially and prayerfully supporting them, so I decided I would keep a blog as well. Partly for their entertainment, partly for my entertainment, partly because I have never really done much to realize my childhood dream of becoming a writer (a dream which I no longer aspire to, just fyi, but I still have fun writing), and partly because maybe there are people prayerfully supporting me that want to know the highlights of my awesome job. Who really knows?
If you haven't figured it out by now, my job this summer is to deliver pizzas. My mom's friends have all asked me if this will be dangerous. All my friends have fully supported my decision. People in the middle of me and my parent's ages have typically told me how much money they, or their friends, made as delivery drivers. This is always an encouragement.
You might be wondering why I chose this job: basically, I literally applied to like 20 places, and headquarters hired me basically right away. They seemed as desperate as I was. But I like to tell myself that they saw potential in me to be a fantastic delivery lady, and just had to have me on board, and that they would have fired other employees just to make room to hire me.
This is, obviously, my first post. This is partly because I have not officially made any deliveries thus far. It is also partly because I feel a lot of pressure to make this an enjoyable read, and I only hope that there will be lots of things that will make you laugh. There are a few of reasons for that: a) if there's a story that makes you laugh, it probably made me laugh first, and I like to laugh, so i hope (for all of our sakes) that funny things happen this summer; b) if you don't enjoy my posts, you probably won't return to my blog, and for some reason I really want people to read this!; c) my decision to take this job as a delivery lady this summer was not part of a greater career choice, like a stepping stone to some other job or something, so I really need to squeeze some worth out of it, and telling good stories would be worth it.
There are a few things I feel like you, the reader(s), should know:
1. I have decided not to disclose the name of the pizza company I am working for. I don't know that there's a policy against this or anything (blogging about my job), but I really can't tell what will come up this summer, and I don't want anyone to get a bad name. And I don't want to get sued (is that even a real possibility?). SO...I will be referring to my employer as headquarters. I work for headquarters. (Everybody reading this blog already knows who I work for, but I don't want the internet to know. It's nosy.)
2. I may end up changing people's names as well, just to protect everyone's privacy. Including co-workers. Some of them I won't change. I might not tell you if they're names are changed or not. I haven't decided.
3. I've never done anything like this before. Bear with me. By 'this' I mean writing things that I want people to read. I mostly just journal, and obviously you don't write in a journal planning for other people to read it. Except for that I did that for a long time when I was little because Laura Ingalls Wilder's journals got made into books. Which, obviously, I thought that my life would be important enough for my journals to be turned into books, too. So I wrote to please an audience of generations to come. I have always dreamed big.
4. If you become a loyal follower, and like every single post, I might could get you some free breadsticks. It's just one of the perks of the job.
5. I might periodically refer to myself in 3rd person as Hot Driver. If no one else ever calls me this, I will still believe this about myself. We'll see what other people think throughout the summer. My dad says when boys see me in my uniform, they will HAVE to give me extra tips because of how cute I look. Dad's are always right, right? And dad's will never call their daughters hot, so when dad says cute, that means other people see me as hot, right?
Ok, I don't want to lose any possible followers by writing a book in my first post. Plus, the book won't come until the end of the summer when I compile all of my posts together and publish it. Just kidding. Maybe.
Also, I promise I'm not as egotistical as I have made myself sound. I just think these things are funny. I think it's hilarious and a little awful that I'm devoting myself to personally transporting pizzas from store to door, and I am kind of being self-deprecating in my sarcasm about my 'accomplishment' of obtaining this job.
I feel like I need some kind of slogan to end each post with. I'm open for suggestions. If someone comes up with one that I like and decide to use, I will give you free breadsticks. I know, what's not to love about this job right?
This blog was thought up by a few friends and former employers (I do dog-sitting too if anyone's interested). You see, most of my friends are scattered throughout the world right now doing their community development internships. But I (being wiser than they) changed my major to economics at the last minute (halfway through my junior year), and no longer am required to be dropped off in the middle of some crazy place to develop communities for 3 months. (If you can't tell, that means I'm kind of jealous of them for doing awesome stuff). Instead, I am taking calculus at community college, and saving up money so that I can eat next year. There's no sarcasm in that...my summer earnings are my senior year's food budget. So...they're all keeping blogs about their summers (my community development friends), especially for people financially and prayerfully supporting them, so I decided I would keep a blog as well. Partly for their entertainment, partly for my entertainment, partly because I have never really done much to realize my childhood dream of becoming a writer (a dream which I no longer aspire to, just fyi, but I still have fun writing), and partly because maybe there are people prayerfully supporting me that want to know the highlights of my awesome job. Who really knows?
If you haven't figured it out by now, my job this summer is to deliver pizzas. My mom's friends have all asked me if this will be dangerous. All my friends have fully supported my decision. People in the middle of me and my parent's ages have typically told me how much money they, or their friends, made as delivery drivers. This is always an encouragement.
You might be wondering why I chose this job: basically, I literally applied to like 20 places, and headquarters hired me basically right away. They seemed as desperate as I was. But I like to tell myself that they saw potential in me to be a fantastic delivery lady, and just had to have me on board, and that they would have fired other employees just to make room to hire me.
This is, obviously, my first post. This is partly because I have not officially made any deliveries thus far. It is also partly because I feel a lot of pressure to make this an enjoyable read, and I only hope that there will be lots of things that will make you laugh. There are a few of reasons for that: a) if there's a story that makes you laugh, it probably made me laugh first, and I like to laugh, so i hope (for all of our sakes) that funny things happen this summer; b) if you don't enjoy my posts, you probably won't return to my blog, and for some reason I really want people to read this!; c) my decision to take this job as a delivery lady this summer was not part of a greater career choice, like a stepping stone to some other job or something, so I really need to squeeze some worth out of it, and telling good stories would be worth it.
There are a few things I feel like you, the reader(s), should know:
1. I have decided not to disclose the name of the pizza company I am working for. I don't know that there's a policy against this or anything (blogging about my job), but I really can't tell what will come up this summer, and I don't want anyone to get a bad name. And I don't want to get sued (is that even a real possibility?). SO...I will be referring to my employer as headquarters. I work for headquarters. (Everybody reading this blog already knows who I work for, but I don't want the internet to know. It's nosy.)
2. I may end up changing people's names as well, just to protect everyone's privacy. Including co-workers. Some of them I won't change. I might not tell you if they're names are changed or not. I haven't decided.
3. I've never done anything like this before. Bear with me. By 'this' I mean writing things that I want people to read. I mostly just journal, and obviously you don't write in a journal planning for other people to read it. Except for that I did that for a long time when I was little because Laura Ingalls Wilder's journals got made into books. Which, obviously, I thought that my life would be important enough for my journals to be turned into books, too. So I wrote to please an audience of generations to come. I have always dreamed big.
4. If you become a loyal follower, and like every single post, I might could get you some free breadsticks. It's just one of the perks of the job.
5. I might periodically refer to myself in 3rd person as Hot Driver. If no one else ever calls me this, I will still believe this about myself. We'll see what other people think throughout the summer. My dad says when boys see me in my uniform, they will HAVE to give me extra tips because of how cute I look. Dad's are always right, right? And dad's will never call their daughters hot, so when dad says cute, that means other people see me as hot, right?
Ok, I don't want to lose any possible followers by writing a book in my first post. Plus, the book won't come until the end of the summer when I compile all of my posts together and publish it. Just kidding. Maybe.
Also, I promise I'm not as egotistical as I have made myself sound. I just think these things are funny. I think it's hilarious and a little awful that I'm devoting myself to personally transporting pizzas from store to door, and I am kind of being self-deprecating in my sarcasm about my 'accomplishment' of obtaining this job.
I feel like I need some kind of slogan to end each post with. I'm open for suggestions. If someone comes up with one that I like and decide to use, I will give you free breadsticks. I know, what's not to love about this job right?
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